Matt Fey, VP Creative Director
We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog post to bring you a chilling tale of Halloween horror. But all is not what it seems. For between the screams lies a cautionary lesson for marketers. Read on, if you dare…
A rusty hinge creaks, its metal scream cuts through the howling wind. You feel a cold drop of sweat crawl down your face. Paper and parcels rustle and jostle. It’s right outside. Right on the other side of the door.
The hinge squeals with release as the metal trap slams its jaw shut. Footfalls steal away, down the walkway, up the driveway, gone.
You’re alone. Or are you?
For just outside your door, something lurks, hiding in a dark metal box, waiting for you…
There’s a monster in your mailbox.
WHAT’S IN THE BOX?!
They said it was gone. They said its day was done. Once it’s chased off, it’ll never come back. Or so they say. And they say a lot of things.
The stories of its demise are long and varied. Technology will send that monster running to the hills. The “Amazon” army will defeat it once and for all, driving it from this land. It’ll have no power over kids these days. And with it gone, the mailboxes will be empty. Abandoned. No more will the monster dwell in its shadows.
Wrong.
So wrong.
Dead wrong.
It’s out there. Right now. Can you feel it? This monster still has power. It lures you in with its pleasing face pages of flipping flapping limbs stitched together. Shards of metal staples or thick gooey glue bound its spine. Once you see it, the monster takes hold. You belong to it now. It hypnotizes your eyes as it tempts you with the irresistible, the unexpected, the enticing. It grabs you and compels you to act. You succumb to its power.
But this monster, like so many before it, is misunderstood. There’s nothing to fear, no reason to hide. The monster is a reflection of your wants, your needs, your desires. It opens the gateway to making dreams come true.
That is why, resist though you might, you keep coming back to the mailbox each and every day, knowing it waits for you. In the end, you cannot resist.
Fancy phones won’t stop it. The internet won’t kill it. Millennials won’t ignore it. Emails won’t replace it. It’s not dead. It’s not even undead. The monster is alive … IT’S ALIVE!
This monster is … THE CATALOG.
It might be waiting for you at home right now. Sitting in your mailbox, unsuspecting. Waiting for your fingers to reach in.
Don’t be afraid. Lift the cold black lid and reach into the dark metal box. Goosebumps crawl up your arm. Feel the cool touch of slick paper gliding twixt your uncertain fingers and … IT’S THERE! And it’s got you in its grips. Let the monster in.
There’s a monster in your mailbox.
It’s been there every day.
This monster is a catalog.
And forever will it stay.
Happy Halloween. Happy cataloging.
Monsters in your mailbox? Who you gonna call? Matthew Fey at 913-236-2414 or email mattf@jschmid.com.
Tags: catalog, catalog industry, Catalog Mailing, direct marketing, Matthew Fey